Demi Interrupted
by Andi Lex
Summary: A story of Demi Lovato's rehab visit and finding the love of her life in treatment.
1. Chapter 1

This was fucking it. I'm just done with all the bull shit. Now my friends have turned against me? They just fucking USE me, than tell all my secrets. I'm not dealing with it anymore.

I walk on to the plane where my 'friends' are sitting there laughing and smiling. Everyone is always happy, always laughing and having a good time. I'm done with pretending I'm this way too. I went up to that bitch and punched her. Right in the eye. She _deserved_ it for betraying me. EVERYONE in that plane _deserved_ it. They are all hypocrites…

"DEMI!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I said, turning back. My pulse was rushing, my insides were burning. I felt horrible, but the adrenaline in my system was pulsing, and I couldn't be stopped. I went to fight back to my next enemy, but I got dizzy and fainted.

* * *

><p><strong>the next day<strong>

"Would you like something to drink or some pillows Miss Lovato?"

My head was pounding as I went to open my eyes. There was a sweet curly-haired blonde staring down at me. "Um, no thank you," I said.

As she walked away, I start recognizing my surroundings. I was on a plane, but it was not going to Rio for my next concert. I tried to think about the last time I ate. It was days ago. My stomach was used to the constant torments I put it through though.

"Demi, how are you feeling sweetie?"

I looked up and saw my dad staring down at me. I could tell he hadn't slept all night, and I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Baby, we're gonna get you the help you need."

I didn't even question it. I just wanted to take the longest nap, and never come back to this reality.

* * *

><p><strong>Timberline Knolls<strong>

I wake up again in a dark tinted car driving up to a place that looked something like a sweet little country home with trees and a lake surrounding. My dad is driving the car and I wonder what this place is. He looks back and sees that I'm awake and smiles at me. He stops the car in front of the country-looking house. He gets out and opens the trunk and brings out a suitcase, which I immediately expect is full of my clothes. He opens my door and I very hesitantly get out.

When I walk in there were ladies rushing to me (I guess they were called ahead) and I noticed strangely skinny teenagers staring at me from the corner of the room. A red-headed woman took my bag and kindly asked

"Do you need anything sweetie?" I forcefully shook my head and turned to my dad, pleading with my eyes that he take me home. My dad kissed me on my forehead and said that he was going to fill out some paper work. This was really happening, I was going to stay here with crazy people. It was like my favorite movie _Girl Interrupted, _but unlike her, I WAS normal. These snickering girls were the crazy ones. The red-haired nurse introduced herself as Tami. And took me to a small, yellow painted room. Yellow? Don't they paint rooms in an insane asylum yellow? I immediately knew I was in the wrong place. I spotted a bathroom in this cotton candy-painted room and suddenly realized I needed to go, BAD! As I went in, Tami followed. I looked her up and down and said

"Excuse me? I need to use the restroom." She nodded but wouldn't leave the bathroom. Realizing she wasn't gonna leave and feeling the heaviness of my bladder, I allowed her to stay. She looked away, pretending to be engrossed in a bulletin board on the wall. I got up washed my hands when my dad walked in. I felt a certain urge to fall into his arms and never move, but this was his fault I was here. It was his fault that I was being stared down by teens, it was his fault I had to be watched while urinating. I was not going to give in now, maybe if he sees how much I hate him, he will give in and take me home. I could almost see a tear in his eye, than he said

"Dems, your mother and I.." at that moment Tami excused herself from the room.

"Your mother and I believe that this might be the best place for you right now."

"You think I'm crazy? Did you see the other girls? There is NOTHING wrong with me!" I said in a raging mad voice.

"Honey, this is a Treatment Center. They specialize in eating disorders and…"

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! I'm missing my concert, and I'm going to disappoint all the people who paid to see me," at this moment there were tears rolling down my face and I was screaming at him, trying to make him believe, although I didn't even believe myself. I looked at my dad who had also begun to cry.

"Don't leave me here!" I went toward him and hugged him tight.

"I promise daddy, I promise I will be better. Just take me home." He shook his head as tears started falling down his face.

"TAKE ME HOME! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I'm your daughter and you treat me like this? What man would leave his daughter in a foreign place? WHO DAD? WHO?" At this point he was crying so hard, but he still wouldn't give in.

"YOU ARE WORSE THAN MY _REAL_ DAD! Even _he _wouldn't have taken me here. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

Women starting filing in the room, they began to hold my arms and sat me on the bed. The bed had strains tucked under it. I thought to myself how convenient? They tied me down to my bed and pushed a needle in me veins. Then darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

My dry eyes begin to flutter. There is a MASSIVE amount of sun entering through my window. My throat is horse and I feel horribly weak, the after math of physically straining myself. A flash black of the most recent events come back to me… the punch... the blackout… the plane… the other blackout... the fight with my dad. My dad? Wait where was he now? Where am I? I hear a rustle, and look over there is the red-haired woman sitting in a chair next to my bed. Was she there all night? I remember being tied down and I bring my wrists up and notice they have been freed from the strains.

"Good morning Demi, did you sleep well?" I then flashed back to the needle forced in my vein, and thought well I would sure codeine injected in my arm.

"Ugh, yes... thanks."

"We let you sleep in today, but there is a strict schedule that we will need you to follow from here on out. Sleeping in till noon just won't do." Really bitch? Really? What did you expect? You people PUT me to sleep!

"Alright…"

"I laid out some clothes for you if you'd like to take a shower real quickly." Laid out my clothes? I can't even pick out my own clothes. At this point I remembered that her name was Tami and replied

"Ugh okay, Tami," in a mocking voice.

I showered using hotel-like products that made my skin feel like sand. I noted to myself that I would ask to get beauty products pronto. I looked at the clothes Tami laid out for me, it was a grey sweater and black jersey pants. They seemed too hot since I had just come from the tropic south America, but I remembered I wasn't there anymore. Where was I? I looked around for my suitcase. The clothes she picked out weren't bad, but I couldn't give her the satisfaction of wearing what she _wanted_ me to wear. I found it and decided to put on my black leggings and a forest green flowy top. As I was turning to walk out the door, there was Tami. This woman was insane. How the hell did she know I was finished? She looked me up and down then smiled. I could tell she was upset by my lack of consideration for the outfit she chose for me.

"You're just in time for lunch. I'll walk you to the cafeteria and you can have a chance to meet the other girls," Tami said with a smile. I was already getting annoyed with her cheery attitude, it seemed so staged.

We started walking down a long and narrow white hallway; we passed a courtyard which seemed to calm me (which was probably it's purpose). Until I remembered Tami's word "cafeteria". The last time I was in the cafeteria with other girls was not one I like to remember.

FLASHBACK

Rumors had flooding the school that morning. These stupid bitches were jealous that I had a boyfriend. I swear it. Fourth period let out at Cross Timbers Middle School, and it was now lunchtime. I kissed my very first boyfriend last week, and it was the most special thing. I was in love. But no one could accept it. My boyfriend and I took a picture of us lying down in his bed. Last night I decided to post it on myspace because I loved him and I wanted EVERYONE to know. I started getting comments saying "slut" and "hoe". But this was today. There was nothing I could do about posting that photo now, and I mean it was two girls. No one else probably saw it, right? Wrong. I walked into the cafeteria and everyone seriously stared. My heart stopped beating and I…

"Demi?" I was brought back to reality and looked up at Tami.

"Here is the cafeteria, the staff will bring you a plate. Sit wherever you like." I looked around nervously. All these girls had problems. Would they ask me what mine was? I wasn't even sure I _had_ a problem. I noticed a brunette girl sitting with dirty blonde at a table. They motioned me over. Prying my feet from the floor, I went over to them. The brunette introduced herself at Samantha and the dirty blonde was Angela. I noticed something very strange about Samantha. She had a very narrow, thin face, with skinny arms and legs, but her stomach was swollen. She began talking to Angela about something irrelevant when it hit me. This girl was pregnant. My compassion for her quickly dissolved. How could she starve herself with a baby in her stomach? I was disgusted with her. I wanted to leave this place. I couldn't even sit next to her.

Just then I heavy set woman came and brought me a tray of food. On the plate there was a glass of water, rice, beans, and a side of chicken. I was a vegetarian. I hadn't eaten meat in a year… except the occasional times that I binged eating _anything_ and _everything _in sight. I started eating around the meat, not wanting to make a big deal on my first day.

"Oh, I just love your green top," said Samantha. I looked at her lose and comfy navy shirt and sweats and realized why Tami had set out the clothes she did. I felt very uncomfortable being overdressed. I quietly thanked her, and continued nibbling on my rice.

Samantha and Angela continued talking until Tami came back to the table. She looked down at my plate making a mental note of what I ate and didn't eat.

"We scheduled you a private meeting with Dr. Sylvia Gearing. She is excited to meet you." I was slightly curious, but I honestly didn't care. I just wanted out of there, NOW!


	3. Chapter 3

Tami leads me into the corridor near the courtyard, again. It was weird how much tranquility that courtyard brought me. There were white lilies, pink daisies, and purple irises surrounding little tables and park benches. There were some women sitting on the benches. I longed to be them. Tami and I made our way up to into the main entrance. A flashback of the past night came to me, but I quickly brushed the thoughts off. Tami stopped when we arrived in front of a huge oak door. I immediately knew this was Dr. Sylvia Gearing's office. I looked to Tami for support and she nodded her head, egging me to go inside. I decided Tami's smile wasn't as fake as I thought because this time I noticed quite a bit of concern in her face. I push the big oak door and I walk in.

Once I get inside Tami quickly closes the door behind me and I look at my surroundings. There was a soft-blonde haired lady sitting at a polished oak desk. (I guess she was a fan of oak?) She looked up at me from the corner of her sliver-rimmed glasses, as she quickly pulled them off. She was older maybe in her 50's, but she looked good. She had a fairly good-sized figure with black slacks and a shimmering silk waistcoat. Her makeup was done well, but nothing over the top, just some concealer to hide fine lines and a little mascara. She could tell that I was noting every detail of her and by her facial expression I could tell she was doing the same to me.

She got up to shake my hand and introduced herself, "Hello Demi, I'm Dr. Gearing."

"Hi," I shook her hand and I was already dreading this. She went to sit back down at her desk. On her desk was a silver macbook. She noticed me looking at it and said

"I'm just going to jot down some notes while we talk." So this was an interview. Lord knows I have had enough of those. But there was something about her. I'm not sure if it was because she asked all the right questions or because I wanted to get it all off my chest. I told her about my dad. My birth father. How his very existence makes my life so much harder. It would be better to have no one there rather than having someone always let me down. I told her about the cutting, I had seen it on Degrassi when I was eleven. I wanted to try it, so I did. But I could never really stop. As years went on it meant more and more to me. My release, my 'treatment' for my eating disorder. That's another thing I let out. My eating habits.

FLASHBACK

Everyone was staring at _me_. Did EVERYONE know? I mean it was just a picture. I have seen my sister Dallas put up pics like that all the time with her boyfriends. Why was it such a big deal? I went to my table of friends. For the first time in my life, I had made friends with the popular girls. They were the coolest kids in school, and they were _my_ friends. As I sat down two of them started getting nervous, and they were hiding a sheet of paper. I asked the 'main' girl Britney

"Hey, what's that?" She answered with a shrug, so I snatched it from the two other girls. I read the title it said "Sign If YOU Hate Demi Lovato". There were at least 30 signatures on it. There were only 90 kids in the seventh grade. Why would my FRIENDS have this? Of all people. I looked up at Britney; she shrugged and went about eating her lunch.

My eating habits were not what they should be. Food was my enemy. But Dr. Gearing allowed me to stop after realizing I had a problem. And I was crying so hard that might speech turned into blubbering anyways. She said it was too much for one session. That she would be happy to meet with me later this week. Honestly I was a little eager to see her again. She gave me hope.

Tami was still waiting at the door after Dr. Gearing granted me permission to leave. Dr. Gearing must have noticed my puzzlement because she said

"Tami has been assigned to you. She will be like your little shadow, she will be making sure you have everything you need." Hmmm… That statement made me feel a lot better. A grown person who follows me around usually wants an autograph for their child or something. I was not willing to deal with any media related stuff while I was here.

Tami took me back to my room and gave me the schedule.

**7:30-8:00** Morning Reflections / Quiet Time

**8:15-8:30** Community Meeting

**8:30-9:00** Breakfast

**9:00-10:30** TK Academy

**11:00-12:30** TK Academy

**12:30-1:30** Lunch

**2:00-3:00** Electives

**3:30-6:00** Core Groups / Individual Sessions

**6:00-7:00** Dinner

**7:15-8:15** 12 Step Meeting

**8:30-9:00** Recovery Actions

8:00? Fucking 8:00? I was used to waking up at 6:00am or 8:00am, but only on special occasions like interviews or morning appearances. But _everyday? _This was going to take some getting use to.


	4. Chapter 4

It didn't take me long before the schedule Tami gave to me became routine. Before I hated having my life mapped out, but the schedule provided me with safety and stability. Two things I've never really had in my life. The conversations with Dr, Gearing were regular and always left me vulnerable but hopeful.

Meals were the hardest. I continued eating with Samantha and Angela. My disgust for Samantha depleted completely and turned into respect. Her stepfather told Samantha that she would be beautiful if she were skinny. Samantha started restricting her eating and exercising more. He had begun giving her presents and money as she began to lose weight. She realized by not eating her life was better, she was able to have whatever she wanted and she looked good! But her stepfather had a reason for making her turn skinny. One night when Samantha's mom was at her friends wedding, Samantha came home drunk. Her stepdad took hold of her and raped her. After the rape Samantha gave up on eating. She wouldn't touch a single bite, and wouldn't even leave her room. I felt bad for judging her. She was now doing EVERYTHING in her power to get better for her baby.

Still it was hard. I went from throwing up 2-5 times-a-day on one meal, to having 3 meals a-day with no way of getting rid of it. I would fight Tami on a regular basis. Telling her that it was wrong to _make_ someone eat when they weren't hungry. I honestly forgot what it was like to be full and _stay_ full. Feeling food stay in my stomach depressed me. I would go insane. I would try to sleep extra hours because you lose weight in your sleep. I would try to hide the food I didn't eat, but I underestimated the TC. They obviously knew what I was doing, and I would have to write extra diaries or go to more mandatory meetings when I gave up on myself and tired to return back to my harmful past.

Tami was always by my side. She was there for me through it all. I loved her the most, but then again I hated her the most. I was having a really hard day. I tried throwing up my breakfast, and refused to eat lunch. At dinner I finally succumbed to their orders and ate normally. During our reflection time I went out to the courtyard and listened to "Strong Enough". Tami came by me with two sets of needles and two balls of yarn.

"I'm going to teach you how to knit." Tami was odd. She was reserved and seemed to just be a shadow most of the time, but now I KNEW she was mental.

"To what?" I said holding back laughter.

"Once you knit you never quit!" After this I DIED laughing, I decided to give Tami and her knitting a chance and ending up loving it.

A few days pass

After dinner, I was in the courtyard knitting a hat for myself when I heard screaming. There were high-pitched squealing coming from the main entrance. I could make out at small brunette girl in the main entrance. I wondered if _I_ looked that ridiculous coming in. Also remembering the snickering girls, I decided to stay put. The girl obviously didn't need anything else to piss her off.

The next day

I went to breakfast the next day when I saw the tiny brunette at a lunch table alone. She had her own 'shadow' (I called Tami a shadow, I never really learned what her official title was) that was sitting next to her at the table. I walked over to the table and asked

"Do you mind if I sit here?" She small girl looked up at me, with a strange shocked look on her face. Oh shit! I almost forgot, I'm Demi Lovato. Her shocked expression quickly turned into a look of disgust.

"I actually do mind. Please don't sit here." I was so shocked by her response that I stood still in front of her table for a good minute until I got up the courage to walk away. I felt her eyes on me as I walked on.

"I sure to hell hope they don't make me fat like you, man you have gained weight." My heart dropped. Fat. I haven't been called fat to my face since…

FLASHBACK

The day went on horribly. I got evil looks all day long, and the worst part was when I would walk into a class everyone would get quiet. They were talking about me. I swore that every paper my classmates had was another "We Hate Demi Lovato" petition. Days went on like this. I thought it would have gotten better by the next day, but it only got worse. My house was egged. I was getting hate phone calls all through the night. My myspace was flagged with millions of hate comments. Every day I would have at least one kid tell me they hated me. I started spending most of my days in the bathroom, until I noticed I wasn't even safe there. The girls started a "We Hate Demi" collage on one of the bathroom stalls. Each day someone added to it. I noticed Britney had written the initial response. Why did she hate me? We did EVERYTHING together we were best friends, or so I thought. I decided I was going to confront Britney, in front of EVERYONE.

It was lunchtime again. The time I dreaded the most. I walked into our middle school cafeteria, over to the table where I had spent so many lunches.

"Britney, we used to be friends can you just _please_ tell me what I did?" She sat there for a moment and seemed to ponder, as if she didn't even know. Then she blatantly said

"Because you are _fat _Demi, and you cannot be a singer, or whatever the hell you think you're going to be if you are FAT."

I dropped my tray. There it was again. The word that started it all. It took one word to completely wreck EVERYTHING and ALL the progress I had made.


	5. Chapter 5

I put my tray down and went to the courtyard. In the reflection of the outlining windows I could see myself. I _had_ gained weight. Who would want to sit at a lunch table with a fat person? It was always my fault. I could never keep friends or boyfriends because I was fat. I could see it all now. ALL of my problems came from my outward appearance. I was so disgusting… gross even. I needed to barf. I needed to lose this weight. My thoughts went to how to go about it. Maybe I could sneak into the bathroom just once… I knew I couldn't. The nurses and Tami would be so upset with me. I would be letting everyone down. But it hurt. My whole body hurt. I could no longer control it.

Tami was looking for me. I knew it. She probably already checked my room it was safe. I had a shower this morning and I left the cabinet with my razor open. Tami usually went to lock it but she's been looking for me. Maybe there's a chance she forgot. I made my way through the hallways of the TC, heavily breathing. I _needed_ to release this pain. I made it to my room and voila the cabinet was open. There was my 3-bladed razor. My body knew what was next and my mind told me it was 'the right thing to do'. I removed a blade and found my deepest scar. The scar was from my first big breakup. He was the guy who I had given up _everything_ for. The guy I dated when I was being bullied. But he broke my heart.

FLASHBACK

I noticed Jason was acting weird lately. His kisses became shorter and his distance became wider. His older brother made friends with a new girl Laura. Laura and Jason had seemed to get along very well recently. I found that he had ditched me a few times to go out with his brother and his brother's friends. He used to invite me. But now it was different. I begged him to come see me because I missed him so much. I was no longer at school and had barely any interaction with people my age anymore. I was watching outside my window for him, waiting for him to walk up the pathway to my house. I was waiting for what seemed months when I saw a red ford escort pull up in front of my house. I then saw Jason get out of the passenger seat. I was confused. Jason's mom didn't drive that kind of car, I wondered who was driving. As I walked to the door to greet him, I saw her. She was platinum blonde with golden sun-kissed skin. She was turned away, most likely because I was watching her.

"Jason, is that…"

"Demi, you know that I loved you."

"Wait, loved?"

"But I just can't right now, with all you're going through." With all I'm going through? I wouldn't even be in this place right now if it wasn't for him wanting me to put that picture up of us cuddling. It was him who said that people were just jealous because we had found love. At this moment I could make out the girl more clearly. She was obviously older with features that made her appear more attractive that happen naturally with maturation, but what the feature that struck out most was her size. Her arms were bones. She was CRAZY thin. At this point I was restricting my eating and had lost 15 pounds. But I would have to lose 50 to look as thin as her. Jason saw me staring at Sara, and said,

"Don't blame her. It isn't her fault that her and I fell in love. I know it may hurt you but…" In love? I thought… wait we were in… was it just me? Was I the only one in love? Tears began to stream down my face. He didn't look sorry. He brushed my shoulder than got back into her car.

I had cut before. A couple of times. Once when I was just trying it out, and for a while after I left school. But I knew this time would be different as I grabbed my razor. I cut, and cut and cut. I started getting fancy with the placement. Trying to make them look like accidents, but they were obvious fresh cuts. It started to feel like a game until I really took home. I cut so deep that I cried out from the intense pain. So much blood protruded from my wrist I thought I was going to die. I promised from then on I would turn my pain into music. A promise I couldn't keep for long.

Tami came in and found me. She quickly took the blade from my hands and swept back my hair. I hadn't managed to pierce my skin yet with the blade. There was just a white mark left on my skin that quickly faded away.

"There is a call for you in the main office, but I was going to let you take in her in your room." My parents never called out of the blue. They waited for me every night to call them at 7:00pm. I wondered who it could be as I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I said.

"Demi?" I heard from the other line.

"Selena?"


	6. Chapter 6

"Hello?" I said.

"Demi?" I heard from the other line.

"Selena?" My heart stopped. I haven't heard from her in AGES. I pictured the sweet little girl who used to dance and sing with me on Barney, the girl who I used to make rice crispies with, the girl who gave up on me when I gave up on myself.

"Yes, its me," her voice cracked. Was she crying? I heard she was dating that Bieber kid now. I wonder if…

"How are you Dems?" she sniffled. Oh shit she _was_ crying.

"Why are you crying Sel?"

"Because… b-b-because you-you… I'm soooo sooor-rrreee!" she choked. God I forgot how much I loved this girl.

"I'm in a Treatment Center, and _you're_ the one who is crying? Typical Selena," I said with a smile.

"Shut u-up!"

"To answer your question, I've been better. How are you?" She was still sniffling.

"I'm good, I just… wanted to make sure you're okay and _safe_." By _safe_, I knew she meant alive. She knew parts of my past. I inhaled heavily and said

"I'm safe Selena." Though I almost didn't believe myself. At that moment Tami told me that I needed to get ready for a group meeting. I was relieved but I also wanted to talk to Selena. Selena must have heard Tami because she said

"Would you mind if I call you again?"

"I'd love that," I answered.

After we got off the phone I exhaled greatly. I remembered the previous events before Selena called. I looked up at Tami and she smiled.

"Demi, I won't mention this, if you PROMISE it will not happen again." I nodded and was relieved. It would also look bad on Tami's part for keeping the cabinet open, but I would have gone for anything at the point.

That night I got another call. It was from my parents. These calls have been short and sweet. I didn't like to talk about my treatment and they never forced me to. Thanksgiving was this coming Thursday and they were going to come visit. I was against the idea. Honestly, I was ashamed. And the thought of my baby sister coming to a treatment center? I didn't want her to see me like this. She always thought I was so strong. How wrong she was.

"Mom, are you sure? Don't you want to spend Thanksgiving with grandma or something?"

"I want us to be together for Thanksgiving, as a _family._ We all miss you and Timberline Knolls invited all the families for a big dinner. Wouldn't you feel alone if we didn't come?" She had a point. I guess my family was coming to see me after all.

Thanksgiving

The schedule was mostly clear today. There were a few group sessions in the morning, but we had most of the afternoon to ourselves. I spent my afternoon in my room. I didn't want to risk being tormented by the new girl again. I wasn't ready. I paced my room back and forth thinking about my family. They had gotten me a life coach when they noticed my eating habits. But the sessions were irregular and with the excuse of work, I was able to get out of most of them. They didn't know how serious it was until the day my secret was shown to the world.

FLASHBACK

I picked out a simple plaid brown dress. I bought it a while ago, but haven't worn it because it shows my arms and shoulders. I hated wearing shirts and dresses without sleeves, my arms were so large, but tonight I was going to get over it. It was Miley's sweet sixteenth birthday party. Mine just passed a month ago. I finished getting ready and walked out the door.

The day after.

I woke up to my step dad yelling on the phone, something about wrists. Saying they were photoshopped, that it couldn't be true. I got up out of bed, put on some pants and went into the kitchen.

When I walked in my step dad got off the phone, and my parents begun to look at me with concerned faces.

"Demi is there something you'd like to tell us?" said my dad (I called him dad though he was my step dad). I hate it when parents ask this question. My mind was scanning through all the things they may not approve of when my dad pointed at the computer screen. I went to look. I saw the pink banner on the website, it was Perez Hilton. Oh, how I hated him. There was me in my carefully chosen brown plaid dress. Looking cute as ever. I decided to give the paps a little curtsy, holding on to the edges of my dress and lifting my foot up a little. I was quite pleased with the photo until I saw my wrist circled in red. I sank. I thought I covered it with makeup. How many people have seen this? Did my parents know? Would I be fired from Disney? My whole entire world came crashing down at that moment. My mom took my wrist and she started to cry. The same cut marks were there. I couldn't believe how careless I was.

"Demi, explain yourself," my dad said. I remembered that a fan once saw a cut mark on my wrist and asked me what happened. I told her that it was my bracelet.

"Dad calm down! It was just those bracelets, you know the rubber ones that I wear on stage." He looked convinced and went to call the press. My mom however didn't. She was still crying. But she never said another word about it. No one did.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanksgiving**

I heard some quick paced footsteps coming toward my room when someone squeaked

"DEMI!" It was my baby sister! I opened my arms and she ran into them. I leaned down over her using every muscle in my body to squeeze her just to make sure she was real. She got so TALL! Seeing her cherry little face helped me to forget it all. I was no longer in treatment. I was back home in Texas making Maddie make herself sneeze while giggling myself to pieces. After Maddie walked in Dallas, my step dad and my mom. At that moment tearing starting streaming down my face as my mom starting walking towards me. We had been through _so much!_ She raised Dallas and I by herself since birth. Even when my birth father and her were married, he wasn't around. Patrick Lovato was the first and certainly not the last man that let me down.

After our tear fest Tami came in to lead us to the dinner hall. I was reminded that I didn't want Maddie there. I protectively held her by my side. A treatment center was no place for an eight year old. Tami showed us our seats. Maddie sat at my right and Dallas at my left. My mom and dad sat across from us. I hadn't felt so at home in a long time, a _very_ long time. My parents noticed the tension so they started talking about everyday life,

"Your mom and I have been playing basketball almost everyday, out in the courts. She has gotten really good!" My dad said.

"Yeah, mom scored like 6 touchdowns in a second," my highly intelligent sister, Dallas, added. At that moment when we all bursted out into laughter. My dad started wheezing he was laughing so hard. You could count on Dallas to make herself look a fool! She had dyed her hair blonde again… lets just say it suited her well.

My family was continuing to tease Dallas when I looked over at the other families. Parents tried so hard to be strong for their children, but they were breaking. I couldn't imagine how hard it must be for them, knowing that there was nothing they could do. As I was gazing at the other families, I noticed the small brunette and her family. She was with her mom. Her mom was a petite beautiful woman. She aged well. I was able to get a better look at the small brunette. She had tan skin (she most likely faked baked), a small chin, along with a small mouth. Her nose defined her face as it contoured down her face, and she had big green olive-shaped eyes. How could someone so beautiful hate herself enough to starve herself? I wasn't sure what her exact diagnosis was, but with her noticing my weight, I was sure she had some kind of eating disorder.

Thanksgiving was anyone with an eating disorder's nightmare. I would have done _anything_ to rid of this dinner. It was so full in my tummy. I knew that if I allowed my body to digest it all, it would immediately turn to fat. I felt uneasy the rest of the night. My parents noticed my poor attitude and decided to call it a night. Again I was relieved but didn't want them to leave. My plan was to take my mom aside and manipulating her into taking me home. My dad probably saw this coming, so he stayed with her at all times.

We walked from the dining room back to my room. We said our goodbyes and Maddie took out a photo of her and placed it on my bulletin board. Little did she know, that picture would keep me strong throughout all of treatment.

After my family left, I still had about an hour before bedtime. I decided I would spend my time out in the courtyard. I would always bring something to do while I was outside, like a book, yarn, or a pencil and paper. But I rarely did anything. I loved being outside to reflect and there was just something about the courtyard that calmed me. Also no one else enjoyed being outdoors due to the fact that it was winter. But my body was so numb. It honestly didn't bother me.

Camp Rock 2 Tour

I woke up at noon. I was no longer keeping track of time or day or even the city we were in. I got up and noticed Claire, Shorty and Dani were passed out on my hotel floor. What did we do last night? I was in a fitted black corset with black pants. Claire, Shorty and Dani were also in lingerie-like clothing. Claire brought some yummy goodies last night from Cali and we blazed. Dani got an older crewmember to purchase us some jack and vodka. My head was banging, this was the worst hangover I had ever had. I went into the bathroom, splashed some water on my face and caught an image of myself. I looked like a dirty prostitute in the outfit. I hated myself when I drank. I became a completely different person, but I could purge more on alcohol. It messed with my stomach so much I barfed _everytime_ that I drink. On the bathroom counter was a sony camera. I turned it on and looked through the pictures. What was I doing? I looked ridiculous pulling at my clothes like that. I made a note to delete them off the camera, until I looked closer. My stomach. I looked like a whale! I wasn't eating for weeks and I needed to up my purging and lessen my binging.

I heard footsteps come from behind me in the snow. I turned around and there was the small brunette. My heart dropped. I was so nervous. Did she come to tell me off? Now was definitely _not_ the time.

"Hey, I'm Lauren. I think we've met, but I didn't introduce myself." I'm pretty sure you introduced yourself as the big bitch you are. Okay, pull it together Demi.

"Hi, I'm Demi"

"I know. I watched you on Camp Rock. It was a cool movie." I was 15 when I filmed Camp Rock. It didn't even seem like me. I continued staring at her. What did this bitch want?

"Its so cold! Why are you out here?" Ummm… Maybe because I WANT to be out here? The question is why the hell are _you_ out here?

"I like it out here," I said with a smile.

"Makes since." Then from her mouth protruded something I guess you would call a laugh. It sounded like a bunny in labor. And I thought _I_ had a weird laugh. At this point I couldn't help myself. I laughed in her face. I mean really? Who had a laugh like that.

She started laughing too. We were both laughing so hard that it looked like we smoked up a whole case of weed because of our breaths in the cold air. As soon as we pulled ourselves together Lauren joined me on the bench I was sitting on and said

"Demi, I am so sorry for what I said to you the other day. I was… I wasn't in the best place."

"None of us are."

"True. Which is why I shouldn't have said that. You are beautiful Demi. You aren't even a hair overweight. I think that our minds just distort bodies." Heck, I couldn't agree more. The thickest people were so much thinner than me. I would always pick out the heaviest and skinniest people in the room, and most of the time I labeled myself as the heaviest. Though most of the time it wasn't the case. Lauren noticed me drifting off and said

"Come on, you look like an icicle out here! Lets go inside."


	8. Chapter 8

Camp Rock 2 Tour

I walked back into the room where my friends were passed out on the floor. My head was pulsing violently. I was piecing together the events from last night. I gave up. I honestly _didn't _want to know what happened. Everything ached, but I knew that I needed to exercise. I promised myself the night before that I would, and I didn't need another reason to hate myself. I changed and went out on a jog.

What city was I in? I couldn't even remember. It looked familiar, but then yet again all American cities had a similar quality to them. On my jog, I passed a sign that said Cincinnati, OH. I might have been here before… I really couldn't remember. I began wheezing from my run. I was so weak. I HATED my body. It couldn't power through. I _needed_ this weight gone, but no. My body just doesn't listen. I got so tired and fatigued that I had to stop. I put my head between my legs in fetal position. I was glad no one was around to see me like this. When I got back to my room Shorty was awake.

"Hey girl! Did you just go on a jog?"

"Yeah. I think I'm gonna take a shower now. See you tonight." As I took off my clothes, I noticed cuts on my thighs. Did I do that last night? Did anyone see me? My heart sank into my chest until I remembered that I came into the bathroom in the middle of the night while everyone was sleeping. I was so dizzy that I fell in the shower. Barely being able to pick myself back up, I decided that I wouldn't condition my hair today.

After my shower I went backstage to chill with the dancers before soundcheck. I leaned against a wall because I couldn't even hold myself up. I tried to drink a thick load of water, so that I wouldn't fall again. The dancers and crew have started talking about my mess-ups. I think they could tell something was up, but I would constantly crack jokes about how clumsy I was.

Joe and Nick walked in about to go out for soundcheck. Nick walked over and talked to me. I loved him like a brother. Through everything he was always there for me, when I wasn't even there for myself. I hugged him a little tighter than I should have and when he let go there was a massive amount of concern on his face. Kevin senior called Nick to get on stage and I wished him luck. We didn't always speak, but we honestly didn't need to. We always knew what was going on with each other. I shot Joe a quick wave. Pretending like nothing ever happened between us was the easiest way of dealing with it. I just missed his friendship. He _was_ my best friend. But it was just something else I messed up in my life, and he seemed quite happy with Ashley. I knew she wouldn't last long though. She was too high maintenance for him, he would tire of her almost as quickly as he tired of me.

As the night went on I became wearier and wearier. The intense dancing and belting was hard on my body. But I _needed_ the work out. I _needed_ this weight gone. It was what was holding me back from EVERYTHING. From love, from happiness, from life.

After my set I gave nick our famous elbow-five then went backstage for wardrobe change and reapplication of makeup!

I was sooooooooo tiiiiiiiiiired and dizzy. I couldn't even remember what I just preformed five seconds ago. Nothing seemed real these days. As I got up to join Joe in our amazingly awkward love duets, I passed out.

"Demi! Demi! Demi!"

"Hey Demi, are you okay." It was Lauren. I guess I had zoned out.

"Hey what's up?" I replied.

"I was just wondering if you still wanted to go to art class today with ME?" She pressed her hand out and made a pouty face. This girl was too much.

"Alright, alright I'm coming if you promise to never look at me like that _ever_ again," I said with a smirk. She gave me a Boy Scout salute, and I giggled at her cuteness. Lauren and I had become inseparable. We never talked about problems. We just enjoyed each other's company.

We made our way down to the art studio and Lauren was complaining about not being able to be on facebook.

"Do you know how looooooong it is gonna take me to catch up on allll of my school's drama?" I shook my head.

"FOR-EEEEEVER!" I have her a look of utter pain, pretending to feel so sorry for her.

In class Lauren would only draw flowers. The teacher asked her to paint a scene from her life and she drew flowers. This girl had me face-palming and shaking my head like a grandmother at her grandchildren, but I loved her. She was a very good escape. Tami came in the class and pulled me. She told me someone had been waiting to speak to me.

"Hello," I said.

"Hey Demi!" It was Selena. I started looking forward to her calls. She reminded me of good times, times where I had mutual love and friendship.

"How have you been? Is the album doing well?"

"I'm doing well and it's doing well! How are you?" I hated hearing that concern in her voice. I didn't want her to hurt like I was. It wasn't fair for her.

"I'm doing better, Sel'" that was about as far as we got to talking about my treatment. I didn't want to worry her with what was going on with me and she didn't want to hound me. I hated how our friendship ended. We were always good friends, but we weren't the _best_ friends that everyone expected us to be. We had other friends. But the press would act like we broke every time we ever chilled with someone else. It was hard to be there for each other when there was so much pressure. We were just children with the pressure to be life long sisters. It was just too much. But I was glad she was talking to me now. It would take us both a good enough time to heal, but you had to start somewhere.


	9. Chapter 9

I walk into Dr. Sylvia Gearing's office once again. Our meetings have become very often recently. I didn't question it though. I was letting these people run my life because I honestly didn't want to anymore. I trusted these people. Sometimes I didn't even care if what they were doing was working. I was just glad to be away from it all. The pain, suffering, starvation and self-harm.

"Hello Demi, how are you today?" I was the same as always. Absent.

"Fine, thank you." She began to look ay me like there was something she had to get off her chest. Wasn't I the one in therapy? I started to get nervous. She could tell and quickly composed herself.

"Demi, I'm sure that you have noticed that our meetings have been more frequent lately." I nodded.

"Well, I came to a conclusion about a week ago and I needed to make sure I was completely correct before I told you. I've already talked to your parents and I used the information they told me about your character to help me further." I nodded again. I was seriously afraid now.

"Demi, you are bi-polar." My eyes widened. My heart began to pulse. It couldn't be true. No. I wasn't crazy. I just had an eating disorder. I wanted to fight back. I needed her to KNOW that I wasn't bi-polar. I wanted to prove to her that I was fine. It was just my eating habits. I just couldn't be.

Dr. Gearing noticed the pain on my face, so she began to explain further.

"The Bipolar disorder involves periods of elevated or irritable mood (mania), alternating with periods of depression. The "mood swings" between mania and depression can be very abrupt." I began to cry.

**March 2010**

I had been at Joe's house almost every day this week. I loved being with him, and as far as I could tell he loved being with me too. I was playing guitar on his bed, and he came behind me to guide my fingers on the guitar. He had done this many times, even when we weren't dating, but it always gave me butterflies. I slowly turned toward him, put down the guitar, and went in for a kiss. I noticed that he always liked to be teased before the actual making out began.

I got extremely close to his face. I was nearly inches from his mouth, than I pulled back and took off his glasses. He seemed annoyed, but he liked games. I then placed my hand on his thigh and went in to bite his lip. He just sat there. He usually liked me to start. When I finally went all the way in for a kiss he pulled me in tight. He was so passionate and I loved him for that. I had never been happier in all my life. He was all I wanted ever since I met him when I was 14. His smug smile, his arrogant cockiness, and his amazing sense of humor drew me to him more than every thing else. I fell on top of him while we were kissing. He quickly stopped himself as he always did when I made a move that was more than just kissing.

"Hey Demi, I want to talk to you about something." My heart was still beating from our intense make out I was definitely NOT in the mood to talk.

"Sure sweetie, what's up?"

"I noticed lately… I mean I've read all the articles that you've put out… and don't you think it's a little too much?"

"What's too much?" I replied a little too quickly. I started arming myself up to be on the defense, and Joe noticed.

"Just everything, like usually my relationships are a bit more private."

"Joe, you _and_ your dad said that it was good to talk about a lot. It would be good to have our relationship out in the open and for all the press and such for the movie."

"Yeah I know, but like you're talking about 'love' and such." My heart sank.

"Are we not in love?" His eyes scanned my face to make sure that I was completely serious.

"Of course we are." He began to reach for my hand. I pulled away.

"Baby, you know I love you. It's just that I'm not used to it all. I mean we have a lot of pressure on us." He was right. It seemed like yesterday I was know as the girl who starred alongside the Jonas Brothers and now I was the girl who _dated_ one of the Jonas Brothers."

**May 2010**

Joe had just gotten a new house. I was ecstatic because we could finally be alone with no interruptions. I went over to his house for dinner. He was the best boyfriend. He always made me dinner. I couldn't purge the food he made me. I always ate whatever he fed me, and felt good about eating it. He would point out how thin I was and seemed happy that he was filling me up. I was happy with whatever made him happy. I truly and deeply loved him. I rung the doorbell and Joe open the door. I noticed him fake a smile. I smiled back and went to kiss him. He didn't receive it well. He let me have a peck and that was it. What was wrong with him?

When I walked into the kitchen he already had dinner laid out on the table and he sat down immediately to eat. I was still standing. I was rather shocked. He hadn't even spoken a word to me and he usually pulled out my chair for me. i noticed him staring at me and I sat down. He quickly finished his plate. I honestly couldn't eat and he took my plate without even asking if I was finished.

"Wanna take a walk outside?"

"Sure, I'd love to have a tour of your new house." I took his hand and he very lightly grasped it.

Once we got outside, he turned to me and said,

"You know how I'm going to Africa next month?"

"Yeah, I'm going to miss you so much." I thought maybe he was bringing this up to invite me with him. It would be our first vacation together.

He deeply exhaled and said,

"Well, I think it would be a good time for a break." My heart dropped?

"What?"

"I just think that things moved to fast, and since we will be going on tour I think it will be better just to be friends."

I could barely stand up. Everything that meant anything to me anymore was gone. I seriously thought he was the love of my life, but I guess I was _seriously_ wrong. I no longer wanted to live.


	10. Chapter 10

_**THIS STORY HAS MOVED TO .com/ **_

I sat there in Dr. Gearing's office and cried. All this time. Everything could have been fixed if I had just known what was wrong. All the pain and misery could have been spared. I was angry. I was embarrassed. But I was also relieved. These problems that I had could be fixed. Thoughts of suicide at seven years old, my intense depression, cutting, hurting myself, and the ones that I love, now had a name. The name being my last and final disorder, Bi-polar Disorder.

"Bi-polar is not what most people describe it like. It is not completely defined as switching moods at any given time. Bi-polar Disorder can have long-term periods of a continued mood. Like depression, ecstasy, and intense anger. Can you think of examples of these periods in your life?"

**Camp Rock 2 Tour – South America**

I got up from after fainting. I heard the song for "This Is Me" already playing out on stage. How long have I been out? I got up quickly. Crewmembers and wardrobe stylists were coming after me. They were trying to make me cool off before I went back out there. Just then Mr. Jonas Sr. walked in

"What happened here?" Someone whispered that I fainted and he looked down at me and said,

"Well you're fine now aren't you? Get out there!" At least he was in the same mindset as I was. I walked out on stage pretending everything was fine. Wearing that face-eating smile I have perfected so very well. I noticed Joe's face as I walked out on stage. Concern was marked deep in his skin. I hated that look. It was the only look of emotion I have gotten from him in a long time.

The show was over and I was ready to party it up. If you faint once, you probably wouldn't do it again, right? As I began to leave the concert hall I heard a voice trailing behind me.

"Demi, Demi! Wait up!" It was Nick.

"Oh, hey Nick. What's up?"

"You okay?" I wondered what he knew.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Demi." I heard that god damn concern in his voice and I turned away.

"Demi, look here please. Please!" I shot him an irritated glare.

"You know I'm here, right?" I began tearing up. He graped the outsides of my arms and pulled me into his chest.

"Shh. It's okay Demz. It will all be okay." I realized what I was doing and quickly pulled for him to release me. I didn't want his pity. I looked him straight in the eyes and said,

"Nick, I don't need your sympathy or your pity. I fainted. It's hot out there. Its no big deal." I began to walk off when he grabbed my arm. I shook him off. I didn't want his help. I didn't want _anyone's _help.

Dr. Gearing allowed me to leave her office after notifying me that every 12 hours I will have pills delivered to my room that will help control my disorder. I nodded. My head was heavy from the amount of crying and my deep thoughts. I got up from my chair and started walking towards the door when Dr. Gearing said

"Demi, before you leave…" I turned back towards her.

"Tami told me that you have made friends with Ms. Martin. Is this true?" I nodded.

"Ms. Martin, I mean Lauren is facing the same things as you are. In every way. I think if you are comfortable enough with each other you should share your stories." The thing I loved most about Lauren was that we never talked about our issues. We kept it sweet and simple. We enjoyed laughing, harmless gossiping, and partnering together during any project. But I was not in control here. If I _was_ in control, my recovery would be at a stand still. I decided to take Dr. Gearing's advice and go and talk, _really_ talk to Lauren.

I knew just where to find her. She began to realize the serenity and peacefulness of the courtyard as I did. She looked to be deep in thought writing in her daily journal that we all had to keep up with.

"Hey Lauren." She glanced up at me and smiled,

"Hey girl! What's up?"

"I just came from Dr. Gearing's office." Lauren's face dropped a little at the mention of Dr. Gearing's name. I took a deep breath and said

"I've just been diagnosed with Bi-polar Disorder." She looked up at me shocked. We had _never _brought up anything like this.

"I'm sorry," she said. She quickly looked down at her journal. I felt like an idiot. I thought that's what Dr. Gearing was talking about when she said "Lauren is facing the same things as you are." Whatever I guess. I started walking toward the entrance to the main building. Lauren spoke out a little to loudly, saying,

"Me too. I have Bi-polar too." Tears began to come to both of our eyes and we went in for a big bear hug. She was so teeny tiny. I loved hugging her short little body. Her height reminded me of my little sister. I remembered why I was here. Why I was helping myself. I was here to become the role model my little sister always thought she had. It was time to prove to her and everyone else that _I _am strong.


	11. Chapter 11

**February 2010**

Joe and I have been hanging out a lot. After filming Camp Rock 2, we stayed in touch more than ever. I wasn't filming or recording and Joe wasn't either. We were both free always and always ready to hang out. I have to admit when we were filming the first Camp Rock, I really liked him. Well at points. There were times where he would flirt with me constantly and make me feel like the only one, but I'd quickly find that I wasn't. But I was just a little girl who had no fame, fortune, glamour or anything that would attract a man like him.

But I was successful now. I had two movies under my belt and one on the way, two successful albums, and my own TV series. I felt more worthy than ever for him and I think that he felt that I was worthy too. But it was tricky. Joe had begun to replace the hole in my heart that I had for Selena. We had stopped talking and I really needed a best friend. Joe was a perfect substitute. He was funny and didn't get his feelings hurt easily. These feelings though… they couldn't be stopped. I started to fall for him, hard. Joe was coming over to my house for a sweet game of Grand Theft Auto. I was excited to see him, but I was now a little nervous around him.

"Hey Demz," he smiled that quirky little smirk of his that made me melt.

"Ready for me to kick your ass?"

"Oh really now? _You _are gonna kick _my_ ass. I can't wait to see this happen." He hugged me, and it got awkward fast. I couldn't tell if I held on for too long or too shortly, but he could tell something was up. We went down to our basement game room and I turned on the game.

We played for a good two hours with laughing interjections and snack breaks. When we were both tired we just sat on the couch and Joe began to put his arm around me. I put my head on his arm and we sat there for what seemed an eternity.

"Joe?"

"Yeah," he started to move back from me a little, causing me to raise my head from his arm. I worked up every piece of courage I had and said

"We are perfect for each other. I love to laugh; you love to make me laugh. We both like to sing. We have all this publicity that we have to do, together. I mean we just are… perfect." Joe began to get awkward. I knew this was a bad idea.

"Um, I have to go." My heart sank.

"Just like that?"

"I promised Nick I'd be home to help him with a song, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Joe!"

"I'll call you tomorrow." He looked at me, and then turned swiftly away from me and walked off. I was sure it would be the last time that I'd ever see him.

It was another cold day in Chicago. I hated the cold. I began to miss L.A., Texas, and South America. More than anything I just wanted to be out of here. My mom called me last night to tell me what all my fans were doing.

"Demi, you will never believe this, but you're fans are drawing hearts on their wrists everyday in support of you." At first I was weary. In support? Wait what did they know. And secondly, I still had fans? I was in a treatment center for Pete's sake! Why would I still have fans?

"They are drawing hearts on their wrists? For me?"

"Yes! It's amazing! Its just like the little heart on your CDs, and guess what!"

"What?"

"Marrisa, Dallas, Jenna, and _even_ myself got tattoos of it." I started to cry! I couldn't believe it! My mom got a tattoo and I STILL had fans. I knew that this journey was no longer for me, but for my family, friends, and fans.

I definitely had an extra pep in my step that day. The bipolar medicine that Dr. Gearing prescribed to me was really leveling me out. I noticed crazy improvement, though my emotions were still a little haywire from all the issues and problems I now had to face.

"Well look at you, with a smile on your face!" I looked up at Tami. This _was_ the first time I was smiling on my own accord. Usually it was Lauren who was making me smile with her drama and princess-like behavior. I got a little embarrassed and tried to shade my smile, which ended up making me smile even more.

"Well, I was sent here to remind you that you had an appointment with Dr. Gearing today." I _had _forgotten.

I walked into her office and sat down.

"Demi, today I want us to live through the biggest low then up, you have ever had." This sounded painful.

"What do you mean exactly?"

"I mean sometimes with bipolar you have your biggest let down and biggest accomplishment right after another, so today I would like us to travel back in time and revisit some familiar feelings." Oh shit.


	12. Chapter 12

I walked him out the door. I had to tighten every muscle in my body in order to not breakdown. If I wanted to be friends with him again, I couldn't let him no how much this hurt me. As his car pulled out of my driveway he put up a hand to say goodbye. I though this was the last time I'd ever see him. My family was out of town for Maddie's filming of Desperate Housewives, so I was home alone. I went in the house shut the door and started feeling dizzy. I couldn't keep myself up much longer. He was just a guy. Just a guy! I started desperately trying to console myself because I knew exactly where this was going. I had been here many times. And once you get to this state there is no pulling yourself out of it.

I went up stairs and sat in my chair in my room. It had started. Tears became to fall, my chest closed in tighter and tighter. I could barely breathe; every piece of energy I had was being put forward to crying. I hated myself. Flashbacks to every issue I ever had were brought to my eyes. Every flaw I had came into focus. I was a horrible, _horrible _person. How could I think that Joe would have felt the same way? I no longer wanted to live. My state of depression pulled me in like a black hole and there was only one way to rid of it. After crying for twenty minutes, I went into my bathroom, took my razor from the shower. I pushed out the blades very carefully. I nipped my finger on one of them probably because my vision was so blurred from my tears. I wiped my eyes. I no longer needed to cry. I pulled apart the blades and slowly glided the razor against my skin. A tingling burning sensation started in my skin. A little trickle of blood started to flow. It wasn't enough though. I _needed_ more. I began to slide the blade against my skin quickly now. The blood began to trickle out faster and became more and more. I was satisfied. My chest turned back. My heart began to beat again. My breathing returned. I honestly felt fine. I was tired so I went to bed. Once again I was sleeping with a puddle of tears on my pillow.

_Ding-dong._ I was rushed into the real world. How long had I been sleeping? I looked down at my wrist. It was not a pretty sight. I went to wash it off and put on some rubber bracelets to cover my marks. I made my way downstairs to get the door. Through the glass of the door I could make out a young man in a tux carrying a bouquet of red roses. I smiled so big that I felt my skin pull. I opened the door.

"Hey Demz," Joe said with a wink. I jumped into his arms and he held me tight. I have never felt so at home than here in his arms. He pulled back and smiled at me. Oh crap! I didn't have any makeup on, and I had been crying all night. I didn't even want to imagine what I looked like.

"Oh god, I probably look like crap. I just woke up," I said while backing up from him. He laughed and pulled me back into his arms and whispered in my ear,

"You look _flawless_."

I looked up at Dr. Gearing. I was in tears. My heart had felt that pain many times before and many times after, but I never had someone save me. I made Joe out to be my prince charming, but not even a prince could save me from this disease. I felt hopeless and embarrassed that I let one person take so much out of me. Dr. Gearing smiled. In the corner of her eye I saw something glimmer. Was she crying? I had told her many stories, but she never once cried before. My issues always hurt other people. This is why I had to hide them. I started reconstructing my battlefield around myself.

"Demi, that is what we like to call the switch from depression to mania. It can be caused by anything. A relationship, a family member, someone dying, or it can occur from absolutely nothing. Even now that you have medicine there will still be times where to hit rock bottom, but you have to find a way to pick _yourself_ back up. Because if you let someone else pick you up…"

"If someone picks me up, they can also drop me." I said boldly.

"Exactly. There are many strategies that you can take on to prevent this from hurting. Strategies that we will find and work on together. " I nodded at her words.

"For Christmas we are going to let you and your family go out for the day to spend time together." My heart raced at the thought of seeing my family again and to finally leave this building for the first time in a month. But the more and more I thought about it, I didn't want to leave. What if someone sees me? My emotions are whack. What if I end up crying in public? And Maddie. I was taking away her Christmas. She deserved a big family gathering around the Christmas tree.

Tami led me out of Dr. Gearing's office. I went to my room and cried. For the first time in my life I had to face all of my issues first hand. It hurt. It was too much. I wish I could go back. But then again there was no time in my life where I was _truly_ happy, so there was no place to go back to. I had to now just look ahead.

"DEMI!" I was jolted awake.

"Demi guess what? Its Christmas Eve! Did you make me one of 'em hats? Did you? Did you?" I looked up at Lauren who was now sitting on my bed. Her eyes were eager with excitement and I couldn't help but laugh. She was adorable.

"I had SOMETHING, but now I'm gonna give it away since you woke me up," I said with a smirk. She put on a pouty face then got up and said

"Well, now that your awake come hang out with me. I'm bored." I got up. Fixed myself then let her lead me out of my room. I rather enjoyed not having to wear makeup, or constantly worry about my appearance. I felt so safe in the Treatment Center. No one could hurt me here.

I followed Lauren into the Dining Hall where we both had a bowl of oatmeal. Lauren started talking about this one girl Corina who had been at the TC for two months now. She was complaining about how Corina was always playing her guitar in the room next to hers. I sat there and smiled at her every word. I was so humored by this girl. She hated on everything, and always complained. But I found it hilarious and always looked forward to her daily rants.

After we both laughed at her imitations of playing a guitar, Lauren sat up and started looking antsy. I smiled at her to give her courage because I could tell that she needed to tell me something. She took a big breath and said'

"Demi… I… umm… I came to talk to you last night, and I… um heard you crying." I began to get nervous. Where was this going? I hoped that she wasn't going to give me a lecture.

"And I was just wondering if you were crying about the same things." I looked up at her relieved. It was good to know that I wasn't the only one crying.

"I mostly cry these days because for the first time in my life I am dealing with the issues and emotions I have always pushed away."

"Yeah, well that's why I'm crying too," Lauren whispered. She put down her spoon and looked up at me. Tears began to rush into both of our eyes, so I opened my arms toward her and she quickly sank in. We hugged for just the right amount of time until we had to go to art class.

"You'll sit by me, right?" Lauren asked with a wink.

"Umm. I don't know how to break this to you but I think I'm gonna sit by Corina today." Lauren began to pout again and I began to laugh so hard at her immaturity. She was so easy to tease!

"Of course, I'll sit by you. Who else are you gonna copy your picture off of Lauren?" She smiled at me.

"Hey! I don't always copy! I just never know what to paint!" We both exchanged laughs and began walking toward the art room. Lauren grabbed my arm and looked at me with fierce eyes and said

"Thank you, Demi." I knew exactly what she was thanking me for. It was our friendship that she was thankful for. But what she didn't know was that I needed her as much as she needed me!

"And thank you," I whispered back.


	13. Chapter 13

**Christmas**

I looked outside of my window and watched the snowfall. It barely snowed in Texas and it NEVER snowed in LA. It wasn't time to go to breakfast yet so I stayed in my bed. I sat there and thought. I was nervous, very nervous. I hadn't left the security of this TC for almost two months. I didn't want anyone to see me. They'd laugh. I know they would. I was just like every other teen celeb. I had issues, and I can only imagine the crazy rumors they were making up. I had to remember that this wasn't about me. My family hadn't seen me since Christmas, and they missed me. I finally got up when I heard footsteps at my door.

"Aw man, I wanted to scare you again this morning." I looked over at Lauren. She actually looked disappointed that I was already awake. I could just imagine her planning my reaction to her waking me up. I giggled and handed her a box with blue and silver wrapping. Her eyes lit up. She sat on my bed and opened up her gift. It was a hat and a silver necklace I got my parents to send to me. She picked up the silver chain and held the charm. It was a juicy couture crown.

"O-M-G DEMI! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GET ME… OMG! I LOVE IT! EKKK!" I smiled at her and sat down on the bed and helped her clasp the necklace. She put on the hat and started making posing faces at the mirror in my room. This girl was crazy.

Lauren left my room, and I starting getting ready. I had no idea what to wear. I had just been wearing sweats and t-shirts. That would definitely not do. I looked through some of the clothes my family brought me on thanksgiving. There was a leopard print jacket along with many black articles of clothing. I put it on the print jacket with a tweed-skirt, lace legging, and my personal favorite combat boots. I went to do my makeup. Man I was out of practice. I forgot to put on moisturizer before I put on concealer, and my face looked all blotchy. I washed it off and tried again. I put on some rogue dark purple lipstick and took a deep breath in and breathed out. I was okay. I was just going out with family. I was safe.

My parents pulled up. We exchanged hugs, kisses and laughs. I got into the car. I felt so different. So many times I was in the car with my family, but never like this. All my issues were known and out there. I wondered if they were nervous that they might set me off. I was wishing they hadn't known these issues. I started to sink in my seat.

"Demi, I made you something!" I looked over at Maddie. Just seeing that angelic smile brought tears to my eyes. She was my little piece of heaven on earth. I wanted to pick her out of her seat and squeeze her to death.

I nodded for her to continue. I was smiling ear to ear at my little princess sister. She pulled out a box wrapped in sponge bob Christmas wrapping. I giggled at the wrapping paper. I tore off all the paper then pulled the top of the box. Inside was a handmade book. The cover read "Merry Christmas Demi". I looked over at her smiling eager face then opened the book. Inside were pages of letters to me. I started tearing up. I put the book back and box and put it on the floor mats of the car. I whispered thank you and pulled back my tears. I wasn't completely sure to why it upset me. I think it was the fact that Maddie was the one who had to cheer ME up. It should be the other way around. She was the little sister, but she was having to grow up too quickly because of me. I couldn't look at her anymore. The car got awkward as we pulled up to the movie theatre. We had to park far away and oh my god.

There were paps everywhere. This day was just going great. The constant flashes brought me back.

I decided to wear a silver glittery dress. It was perfect for an event like this. I was going to my first premiere EVER and it was the premiere of MY first movie. The nerves were taking over me in the limo ride. The boys would be let out on the red carpet first then me. I wondered if anyone would even know my name. I mean, I was only on As The Bell Rings. I wondered if it would be awkward for people to pretend like they knew who I was. Then again, I wasn't even quite sure who I was. I was an actress, I guess? But I always wanted to be known as a singer. I imagined my first red carpet event being the grammys, but hey I wasn't complaining. The car stopped and I got out. People started cheering. There was a MASSIVE billboard of my face. People were wearing _my_ face on their shirts. I was star struck by the fact that people were acting star struck to me.

I started walking the red carpet. The flashes weren't stopping. I needed at least a second to prepare myself for a picture. When I posed in the mirror, I was able to make the mirror see my most flattering angles, but these people were getting them all. I was nervous to know what I looked like in the pictures. I was being compared to Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens, two beautiful and _thin_ young ladies. I wondered if I was enough. I started looking at the photographers, they would take pictures then look down at their cameras and shake their heads then go right back to taking pictures. I was I not good enough? I tried to keep up my smile. I held it almost too tightly. When I finally arrived in the Movie Hall, there were more and more people. I realized this night would not be the easiest.

My parents dropped me back off at Timberline Knolls. I was relieved. There would be no photographers here. I took one last look at Maddie and turned back into the main entrance. I hated myself. I was taking things and memories from the ones I loved. Maddie didn't deserve a Christmas like that.

I got back in my room and showered. I had to get those flashes off of my body. I went to sit on my bed. I cried. I didn't even know why at first. It was so weird to cry. I barely ever cried before this. I guess it was because for the first time in years I had started to feel. I almost began to enjoy the rush of water falling down my cheeks and the salty taste of my tears. It was the best release. I lay down with wet eyes and cheeks and felt. I felt pain, I felt sorrow, I felt anger, but I finally felt.

Hey guys! I have been getting such wonderful feedback and I'm so glad you all like it! What kills me is that people are saying that this story is helping them overcome their own issues. Its funny cause I'm writing this to overcome the issues that I face. Anyways if you guys ever need someone to help you out or just to talk to follow me on my personal ashotofbrandi and I'll follow you back so that we can talk! I'd love to know other people who are facing similar issues.


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